When You Can’t help Your Child #Parenting

When You Can't Help Your Child

I love being a mom. My child is the light of my life. He is my proof miracle exist in this world and It is my job to love him, guide him and protect him.  But that isn’t always easy and sometimes as parents, we can’t help.  I was faced with that situation this past year.

My son is a little bit of an introvert by nature. I’ve known this since he was a child and knew he found his own company more pleasing than that of other children. He has always walked his own path and never let others lead him astray. but this past year I saw my child change and I was helpless to fix it. I couldn’t make it better, I wish it away and I couldn’t protect him from the monster that swallowing him whole.

In the Beginning

It started a year ago. Small changes nothing big. In fact, I admit I didn’t even see it coming till it consumed him. Small things like not finishing homework because he seemed disinterested. Teachers and counselors told me it was normal for gifted children or children with high IQ’s  to be bored and just not do the work. I let go I know now I shouldn’t have.

Then it was sleeping late on the weekends or not wanting to go anywhere. Again people told me this was normal teenager behavior. My gut told me otherwise but again I let it go.

Next came the sleepless nights, headaches, missing school and sleeping for days. I cycle that soon consumed him. It would start with a headache that leads to not sleeping. this would lead him to feel sick and missing school and then him burying himself in his bed and sleeping for days.

I would see my kid occasionally he would be able to keep the demons at bay and I would have my fun, sarcastic all to logical kid back for moments only for him to be swallowed up again.

 

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Feeling Helpless

The cycle continued days, weeks and months went by. Trips to the doctor revealed that he was healthy. No flu, cold, allergies nothing that you could see under a microscope or detect by a test.

Don’t worry mom the doctors said he is a good kid and healthy. It’s phase it’ll pass said, teachers and counselors. He is a teenager its normal all teens are moody said, other parents.

NO!! My inner voice screamed. There is something wrong this is not normal.  I saw my child changing right in front of me and I was helpless to stop it.  He was drowning, being swallow by an invisible creature and I couldn’t save him.  I was helpless to anything.

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The Monster Within

The breaking point came when he no longer showed any interest in life itself. I was so frightened by this revelation that I immediately took him back to the doctor and essentially said this is not my child. He is broken and it’s not detectable by a test. We are missing something very important because he is suffering and nothing is making it better. I am helpless to fix it. No amount of love, guidance or support is working.

The doctor knew I was not leaving till we solved the problem. So after a long talk and some very pointed question to my son, both the doctor and I realized the monster devouring my child was DEPRESSION.

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The Light

With a diagnosis in hand, we started a treatment.  Son now has a medication routine that is helping him find his inner peace again. He is my kid again. a teenager who is way too smart, logical and still thinks his own company is way better than anyone else. He knows comes out of his room and talks with the family. We take weekend rides and just talk.

Is the monster gone? Slayed? No.

The battle between darkness and light will be one he fights daily. It’s a battle I can not fight for him nor can I protect him from it and that is my burden as his mom. The war will never be truly won but with each day and each battle he gets stronger.

The war will never be truly won but with each day and each battle he gets stronger.

As his mom, I learn to live with the fact that even though I can’t protect him from or fight this battle for him I can be his champion, his safe place to lay his head and the one person who loves him unconditionally even in the dark times.

Let’s Talk:

Have you ever faced a battle you couldn’t win? Have you ever felt helpless to protect or help your child?

 

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About Rebecca 2270 Articles

Rebecca is a boy mom, traveler, Disney addict, chocolate lover, and tea drinker. She lives in Florida and enjoys good food, good music, and a great book. Her goal in life is to live in the moment and to always be open to new things.

22 Comments

  1. Oh, Rebecca I can not even imagine what that must feel like. I am glad you were able to get some help for your son. My friend’s daughter has started having panic/anxiety attacks. She is 15. I am very worried about it. So many things for kids to worry about these days. Praying for all of you.

  2. I have absolutely faced these battles. My youngest son has been hospitalized three times for suicidal ideation. My oldest is autistic and frequently suffers from loneliness and depression. They are both adults now, which makes me feel more – not less – helpless.

  3. Oh, that must be such a helpless feeling. I’m so glad you got a diagnosis so things can get better for your family.

  4. This is such a heart felt post. I sincerely thank you for sharing because I understand how incredibly difficult it can be to communicate this to others. I suffer from depression. Saying it out loud has always been difficult. Open communication like this, gives me confidence in saying it more often and talking about it.

    • Yes i am learning talking about it makes less of a oh your broken kind of reaction and more of how can I help kind of reaction. Thi is something we should talk about more because if we talk about we can get help and understand more.

  5. Such a beautiful post but painful to read <3 I've been there with my youngest and I agree that it's such a helpless feeling to want to help but know you really can't do much. I'm glad that he's on medication now and that it's helping.

  6. As someone who has suffered from depression since my teens, I can tell you that you have helped your child. Just the fact that you noticed the change and are willing to fight for him is important. And your son will remember that support.

    When I initially was diagnosed with depression, there were no real solutions other than counseling for someone like me. The only drug solutions were too severe for low grade depression.

    For a young person, it is a good idea to have a counselor or therapist to see if he can be helped, then taken off of drugs, because if not he will be taking them his entire life. While there is nothing wrong with that, he may be able to grow out of it.

    Being a parent who stands behind your son as a support and stands with him no matter what with love is the best kind of parent you can be. So I disagree with you. You can’t fix him, because he is who he is meant to be. But you are helping him.

  7. thank you for this advice. i know fixing him isn’t the right term more like make things better. when they are little if they get a bump or bruise you can put a bandaid on it or kiss it. this is something I can’t do that with this. I just hope he knows I love him unconditionally and that I will do whatever it takes to make sure he gets the help he needs.

  8. This was so beautiful and poignant. I am facing a battle with my autistic daughter. Puberty has regressed her in a number of ways and I’m struggling to find solutions to help her. In a week, she starts middle and public school – both for the first time and I’m struggling against a flock of new teachers who only see her diagnosis and struggles and none of her potential, which she doesn’t seem to care much about right now. But let me give YOU a virtual hug…and keep you and your son in my prayers.

    • Thank you I give you one back. I will send up some prayers to the universe you are able to find a support group and the means to help your child this year. It’s tough being a parent.

  9. I’m glad you caught it in time and he’s getting the help he needs. You are doing exactly what a parent should do for their child experiencing depression.Kudos to you my dear and God bless!

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