If it happens again. what exactly you may be asking. well, let me tell you.
In April 1995 exactly 22 years and 2 weeks ago my whole world went topsy turvy.
It all began with what we all assumed was food poisoning. It was a beautiful April day. The 5th to be exact and I was driving home from a field trip. Yes, I said driving I did that once upon a time long ago. When I started feeling nausea you know the kind of feeling you get when you eat too much or haven’t eaten in a long time. I really didn’t think anything of it until the next morning when nothing would stay down and I began to have left-sided weakness. By the time hubby got home I could barely walk.
We made a trip to the E.R. where I admitted for four days and treated for food poisoning. I returned home feeling better or so I thought.
Within 48 hours I was experiencing the same symptoms. I return to the hospital where I would stay for 4 more days as the doctors would run tests. Soon I would feel better and be sent home with a diagnosis of possible flu but really nothing concrete.
Again within 48 hours you guessed it, I would once again experience the same symptoms only this time the weakness was left-sided and by the time I get to the E.R. I am not ever aware of where I am. The doctors immediately admit me without haste and put me in a room to start the days of testing.
Only it would be in the night in a room that life would take a devastating turn. While the nurses are giving me my even meds I begin to choke. Within minutes I stop breathing. My last know memory of that night is me being rushed down a hall as light fly by above my head and air being pushed into my lungs I would slip into darkness.
I would sleep like Aurora from Sleeping Beauty for 2 weeks but sadly no prince will kiss and awaken me. I would awake thought to tubes and machines and knowledge that not one part of my body is capable of moving. It would also be from this moment on my true test would begin as I try to reclaim what once was my life.
If It Happens Again
Though this is only one of the many battles I faced in the past 22 years it was hard. Was it the hardest no there was one other but I am not yet ready to share that as it is not only heartbreaking it was a very dark time. But this battle was hard.
Not only the coma and waking from it but the long journey ahead was hard. The many hours of physical therapy, the testing and just being in the hospital for 6 months was a test. Then being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis was devasting. I feel blessed and grateful to be alive, to be able to walk and talk as the doctors said I would not do any of that again but facing a life of unknown is hard some days. To wake each morning not knowing if you will be able to move or talk is scary or to go to sleep at night not knowing if you will wake up is even scarier.
However, I think to myself if this were to happen again would I be able to survive it again. Would I have the strength to fight my way back or would I just give in? I would like to think I would fight just as hard but in truth, I am not sure I would have the strength of my youth. Back then I had the mindset fo the young and the feelings of immortality. Now I am older and I have turned down more than one dance with death and in truth if he came and asked I am not sure I would turn him down this time.
But for now life goes on and I am thankful for each and every day I open my eyes to the dawn of a new day.
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